While certain core values are likely to remain unchanged throughout our lifespan, other values are fluid and may change and adjust over time. Many families will re-evaluate their core values when it’s time to include the next generation and see what may need to be updated or modified.
Inherited and acquired values
What we think of as “core values” are usually acquired and influenced by:
- Where we were born (country, city, town, state)
- When we were born (year/generation)
- Our ethnicity, spiritual and religious affiliations
- Most of all, from the influence of our parents, siblings and family members – even our ancestors
Over time, we come into our own and eventually validate that core set of values as our own. Other values enter our lives as new motivators, often sparked by an incident or life-event. For example, “health” may not be one someone’s top values until they have a health crisis. Immediately, health becomes a priority. With a new sense of urgency, this person becomes focused on making changes in their daily habits to become and stay healthy.
Another example is when the value of “family” becomes as a priority when a baby is born or when an adult child becomes the primary caregiver to an elderly parent. Additionally, the value of “freedom” can surface due to a divorce or when a young person goes off to college.
When families need to make decisions together about shared assets, having shared core values will give your family a greater likelihood of harmonious communications about family money.
Values from our youth can transform as we expand our awareness and experiences. For example, someone who is brought up in a very strict religious household, while still feeling that “faith” is an important part of their lives, may grow to emphasize the value of “tolerance” rather than “religion” to be in greater congruence with themselves as an adult.
The importance of values in maintaining generational wealth
When it comes to wealth and wealth continuity, establishing a set of agreed upon family values is one of the keys to achieving long-term success. Here are four key reasons why.
1. Values shape who we are and what we become
Values guide our actions, impact our self-esteem and influence how we interact with each other. Think about how your core values are reflected in your daily thoughts and actions. If you value family, how do you live the value of family? Is it more than just spending time together?
How you demonstrate the value of “family” could encompass how you love and cherish every moment you have with them or what you think and say about, and to, them on a regular basis (including what you say to yourself). Or maybe it’s about the memories you want to create together. It could also be shown in how you honor and respect your family members as individuals and as part of the larger family unit.
2. Values shape your children’s lives and their opinions of wealth
Any parent knows that children learn family values by what they witness and experience, not just by what’s told to them. You can lecture, preach and instruct all you want, but if your day-to-day actions with money are not aligned with what you’re teaching, your actions will always trump your words.
Consider how unlikely it would be for children to learn delayed gratification if their parents never exercised any impulse control. Or how difficult it would be for children to learn the value of friendship if they perceived that their parents use their wealth to buy and entertain friends. Children may not learn the value of personal freedom and individual strength if, as teenagers and young adults, they’re solely dependent on the family’s wealth.
Conversely, if parents have deep trusting relationships in their life where no money is exchanged, chances are their children will too. If parents demonstrate the power of saving, investing and the joy of being generous with their wealth, chances are their children will have a healthy empowered relationship with money as well.
3. Shared family values often are the glue that holds a family together
A family’s shared values are comprised as a subset of the values of the individual family members. Family members do not need to have all the same values across the board, but the family benefits greatly by having some agreed-upon core values. Establishing shared values is instrumental in creating a common purpose and a common perspective; it increases the chance of long-term wealth continuity through enhanced decision-making.
Family values can change over time, and from generation to generation there are likely to be significant differences to understand and incorporate. Take the value of entrepreneurship, for example. A family that expects every future family member to be an entrepreneur could easily exclude the budding artists, musicians, doctors and lawyers among them. Other values the family embraces may be more inclusive, such as “work ethic,” “determination,” “achievement,” or “service.”
Similarly, the value of “tradition” can wreak havoc on the value of “freedom.” A family that embraces tradition and getting together the exact same way over 40 years may be excluding family members who hold spontaneity, creativity or innovation as a personal value. Many families have recently discovered the benefit of embracing new ways of convening, especially with today’s use of technology, to connect with distant family members, while still incorporating some favorite traditions in new ways.
4. Shared family values are purposeful
Shared family values serve as core elements in creating vision and mission statements, and they’re a key ingredient in creating family legacy and governance structures. They can be used for building and maintaining asset allocations, serve as guideposts in philanthropic impact planning, and be foundational to estate planning and investment strategies. They can serve as a binding agent for families scattered far and wide.
If personal values answer the question, “What is important to me?,” then family values answer the question, “What is important to our family?” Shared values anchor families in how they’re perceived and how they operate; they help each family member feel valued; and they help families model the way for future generations.
Knowing what each person in your family values and working together to define your core family values (beyond wealth) will help contribute to your family’s long-term harmony.
Learn how Ascent Private Capital Management of U.S. Bank helps multigenerational families manage their wealth today and create a legacy for generations to come.